SMA Dailey Authorizes Festive Holiday Uniform Modifications

THE PENTAGON — Sgt. Maj. of the Army Daniel Dailey announced today that he was authorizing festive uniform modifications for this holiday season, spanning Thanksgiving through the New Year. The announcement comes as part of a broader effort to increase morale across the Army and bolster recruitment.

“We urge every soldier to embrace this holiday season with Christmas and Hanukkah-themed ornamentation adorning their uniforms,” said Dailey. “Santa and elf hats, tinsel aiguillettes on the shoulder, menorah pins on the lapel, full out nutcracker uniforms. Anything goes, really.”

“We encourage soldiers to use their uniform as a means to express their individuality,” added Dailey.

Several Army generals at the Pentagon have already begun modifying their uniforms, mostly by wearing brightly illuminated Christmas stars on their ASU shoulder boards.

“Even if soldiers choose to not make outward displays of festivity, they are still encouraged to get into the holiday spirit in their own personal way,” remarked Dailey. “For example, I’m wearing a candy cane-striped banana hammock under my uniform as we speak.”

As liberal as Dailey’s views on uniform modification are, he does set one limitation: uniform modifications must fully comply with the spirit of the Army’s SHARP program.

“No mistletoe is to be worn on or around the belt buckle,” he said.


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6 Comments

  1. I know I’ve said this before, but I find it amazing and rather worrying, that people
    still take these articles seriously. Maybe it’s the way they’ve been trained,
    never to question anything ?

  2. Damn it all! Of course they wait until I’m retired to bring out this excellent policy! I think I’m going to put on my ACU trousers, boots and t-shirt and wander around the yard AFTER adding some garland around my neck of course. If anyone says anything, I’ll tell them to “Ask the Sergeant Major!”

  3. “Broader effort to increase morale”….I don’t think you increase morale by turning your uniform into a mockery. It looks festive and with blinky lights and all but let’s get one thing straight here bub….were the United States Fucking Army and morale comes from wasting towel heads and goat fuckers. Period. You look like a fucking dork, go take that shit off and come back when you look presentable.

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