WASHINGTON – Americans from across the political spectrum have united to welcome 10,000 displaced Syrian refugees into their hearts and homes, after Air Mobility Command flew them out of the war torn country last week.
“There were a lot of concerns about safety, disease, and precedent-setting,” said Malcolm Thomas, a spokesman for the Department of State Refugee Service. “But then I look into these eyes and there’s just no way I can say no to them. They’re so soulful, almost human.”
The homeless Syrians have been placed in 18 states, mostly at nice farms upstate where they have plenty of room to play.
“Oh, I have room on the floor of my house for one more, and these guys have been through so much.” said Meghan Richards, who took in one of the refugees. “Let’s be honest though. Give it a week and they’ll be sleeping in the bed.”
Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse has stepped forward to support the effort by providing a chopped steak dinner to each displaced individual.
Each refugee will follow a strict protocol of a quarantine period, during which they will be de-wormed and receive all vaccinations required in the United States.
“There was some concern that it would be unsafe to bring these guys home. But then I just look into those eyes, and I think “Does that look militant? No, that doesn’t look militant. That looks like a good, good boy,” said Richards, petting her refugee. “Here you want to give him a treat?”
“We’ve long had the motto ‘don’t shop, adopt.’ Pick up one of these cuddly little displaced war casualties, and you get to do both!” said Nelson Riley, a spokesman for the ASPCA.
Several governors claim that the program sets a dangerous precedent and have asked for more rigorous screening procedures. “These animals could be wolves in, er, dogs’ clothing,” said Mississippi Governor Phil Bryant.
In response, the refugee service has gone on record saying that the current process is already a lengthy “12 – 16 dog years.”
The dog adoption program has been so successful that the State department has looked into similar programs for other animals. At the time of printing, however, protest groups have stepped up to stop a similar program because “ all cats are born radicalized.”
The Department of State declined to comment on what had happened to the owners of the 10,000 adorable, loveable puppies.
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