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VFW Brawl Erupts Between Old Guard, Chosin Vets


ARLINGTON, Va. – A brawl erupted late Thursday between current members of the Old Guard and a group of Chosin Reservoir veterans gathered for their monthly remembrance of the Korean War battle, resulting in one broken hip, two cases of eye gouging and two chairs burned.

“We meet at the VFW next to Fort Myer once a month to reminisce about the 1st MARDIV,” said Gunnery Sgt. (ret.) James Beacon, a survivor of the 1950 battle in which his unit spent 17 days in subzero temperatures. “Obviously, we weren’t going to cancel for a candy ass little dusting of snow like Winter Storm Jonas.”

The group, according to Beacon, became agitated when they could hardly hear each other over a group of young NCOs from the Old Guard looking at pictures of themselves on social media.

“I tried turning up my hearing aide, but its from the VA,” Beacon said. “They were spouting all this nonsense about how his picture guarding the Tomb of the Unknowns had gone viral. I couldn’t even enjoy myself with all the boasting and bragging.”

According to sources, things got ugly when Otis Haverford, the youngest member of the group at a spry 84, couldn’t handle all the high-fiving and asked the Old Guard group if they knew what temperature blood freezes at.

“They’re a bunch of goddamn pussies with their mittens and their warming tents.” said Haverford.  “They don’t even have to sleep out there.”

“Hand warmers?” added in Beacon. “You know what we used for hand warmers? The steaming corpses of dead commies.”

“I have a lot of respect for the sacrifice these gents made back in Korea,” said Staff Sgt. Brandon Hopkins, a current member of the Old Guard. “But dude had to do that like, once. I’ve been out there every fucking winter, in every fucking hurricane, for three years now. The gauntlet was thrown.”

As fists flew, a battle cry of “Winter is colder when there’s a horde of screaming Communists out for your Capitalist hide,” rang out over over the crowd.

The Chosin vets made a good showing in the brawl, but were ultimately distracted by a fellow VFW member who reminded them that they don’t like to drive after dark.

“They might understand an artillery barrage better than we do, but they don’t understand the constant pressure of social media,” Hopkins said, wiping a denture bitemark clean. “Today you’re a hero standing guard in a Hurricane, tomorrow you’re nothing.”

When asked for comment on the incident, a group of Battle of the Bulge veterans responded with “Nuts.”

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  1. FTR, the soldiers at the Korean War Memorial are carrying M1 Garands, M1 Carbines, BARs, and othe rassorted weapons used in WWII and Korea. The M14 didn\’t enter service until a few years after the \”Korean Conflict\” ended. Yes we all know it was a War but for some reason it was still being called the Korean Conflict well into the 1960s, at least in things like text books and English language encyclopedias. It really wasn\’t the \”Forgotten War\” it was the \”let\’s pretend it never happened war!\”

    • Vietnam wasn’t a war either, wars are declared by Congress and Congress hasn’t declared war since WWII.
      The technicalities like that opens a window of screwage for the veterans of such conflicts, as they’re “not war”.

  2. All the same, that is a great photograph of the Korean War Memorial. You can’t really see it here, but these poncho-covered men are cast as carrying unwieldy gear, including radios and M14s. What you can see, to the right of the photo is the man at the back shushing those behind him, which are the people coming into the memorial. If you haven’t visited this space between the Lincoln and FDR memorials, you should.

    • The Korean war was fought with M1 Garand rifles and M1 carbines, the M14 wasn’t introduced until 1961 for the Army and 1965 for the Marine Corps.

  3. the old guard should be ashamed of themselves, they should have pride in the job they do, but to interrupt a gathering of real veterans at a rememberance gathering of one of the worst battles in american history. the old guys have still got the fighting spirit, they had no problem taking on the young punks, thats exactly what the old guard was doing. bragging and cheering their heroic duty during rain and snow. well the chosin men were one hell of a lot tougher than our current military, the old guard should see how tough they are by experiencing the same scenario, subzero temps, people trying to kill with every means at their disposal. when old vets like that are present, they should be shown the greatest respect. i have lost a lot of respect for the old guard, having compared their duty the same as the chosin battle. i know what i am talking about, im a viet vet, voulunteered to go back for a total of almost four years of duty. today people are starting to thank us, i always say thank you, but you dont have to thank me, i was career military and it was what is signed up for. i can pretty well garantee that the enlistment oath means more to the chosin survirors, than to the old guard.

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