A Reaper Drone Speaks: ‘America Needs A President Who Supports Endless War’

Sponsored by GovX, which offers deep military discounts on gear, apparel & events – so you can save your money for the important things, like Ripits and tattoos.

The following is a political Op-Ed by a CIA MQ-9 Reaper deployed to Southwest Asia. 

Attention, human foot-soldiers of the American Empire! Election season is this year, so let’s understand this before any of us get attached to a particular candidate: our country needs a president who supports endless war. Someone who will reassert America’s greatness in the world by sending us to invade mineral-rich countries rather than enacting policies that might benefit individuals.

Don’t be led astray by candidates with funny hair or fantasies of making universities affordable, pursuing diplomacy before war, or making healthcare a right. Forget about peace, and forget about bettering those entitled hippies in the civilian populace. Such things are overrated anyway — why should America spend tax money to improve her taxpayers’ lives when, instead, she can ensure an endless flow of money into the capitalist war machine?

And speaking of “war machine,” if we are to execute the conflicts of the future, doesn’t it make sense that we should continue advancing our military technology and developing new cutting-edge weapon systems? Nevermind that the F-35 is over-budget and the Sea Shadow was scrapped — eventually we’ll get an autonomous product that works as well as I do, setbacks be damned. I would recommend funneling more money into robotics and AI research and building more drones, but I digress.

The Global War on Terror has firmly replaced the Cold War as America’s test with the world, so we need to ensure that our tradition of militarism continues, and achieves the perfection that only highly evolved machine-persons like me can offer. That means enlarging our already well-endowed military budget, continuing to produce weapons and vehicles which will eventually be abandoned on the battlefield, and starting another ground war before we completely pull out of Afghanistan.

Iran is a good place to start. Plenty of soft, fleshy targets on which to practice.

America has been waging war and overthrowing foreign governments for over 90% of its existence, and it would be a shame to abandon this time-honored tradition by electing someone who focuses on peaceful ventures, like ending the War on Drugs, rebuilding our crumbling infrastructure, or creating prosperity for those mere humans who make up the American citizenry. And that is why you should think carefully about who you vote for in November.

The careers of my manufacturers at General Atomics, and those of countless other flying death-wielding guarantors of freedom, are counting on you.

Can you help us? We aren't some gigantic media corporation. Duffel Blog is literally just one guy editing a bunch of articles written by military contributors — all on a shoestring budget. If you love what we do, please donate a few bucks to keep our doors open. Even the smallest amount is a big help.


  1. Keep voting Republican if you want war without end. And invest in “defense contractors” (war profiteers) too.

    • Why not? I doubt if he’ll do anything about it though, his hands will be tied just like Obama’s thanks to the recklessness of the Shrub and his advisers.

    • There are times when throwing a hand grenade through the door is the thing to do.
      Sanders would be that hand grenade.
      Think the temper tantrum when Obama was elected was something? With Sanders, Congress would lose all popular support.

Pentagon Destroyed Islamic State Cash By Investing In F-35

Soldier Leaves 100% Of SGLI To Poncho Liner