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FBI warns terrorists may have Dihydrogen Monoxide


WASHINGTON — The US government has raised its terror warning status this week after the FBI issued a warning that the terror group ISIS may have access to the chemical dihydrogen monoxide (DHMO), and may be preparing to use it in attacks on US soil.

Sources say the group has used the substance to launch probing attacks on multiple US coastal cities. A recent attack in Louisiana has destroyed thousands of homes, although ISIL has not yet claimed responsibility.

“We’re doing everything we can to dry up their supply of DHMO,” said FBI Director James Comey. “We’ve been inundated by a flood of information in the past twenty-four hours, and we hope some of that will trickle down into actionable intelligence.”

Already, numerous drone strikes have been launched against suspected DHMO storage facilities, but thus far they have “barely made a ripple,” say Central Intelligence Agency sources.

The FBI has warned Americans to avoid drinking from public taps, as they may have been saturated with DHMO by ISIL sleeper cells.

Secretary of Defense Ashton Carter says his anger “is boiling over, as in recent years Congress has siphoned off the resources designed to ebb such a threat.”

“We no longer have a well of funding specifically designed to dam the flow of DHMO streaming out of the Middle East,” said Carter. “And without those resources, they’re using it to really mop the floor with us.”

As to how vast ISIL’s DHMO supply actually is, Carter suspects they have “oceans of it.” According to analysts, he says, they have so much that they are “literally drowning in it.”

“Whether we’re able to get to the bottom of this,” says Carter, “really depends on which way the tide turns.”

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  1. Wow people it’s a satire article…Dihydrogen = 2 hydrogen molecules, Monoxide is 1 Oxygen Molecule, put them together what do you get? H2O….Hint: It’s water.

  2. Bogus article, whoever wrote it has already drunk the “koolaid”. They don’t even say what the stuff does, but here is what one site says, “Historically, the dangers of DHMO, for the most part, have been considered minor and manageable.”

    Get a real job, instead of sitting around trying to come up with nonsense! What a twit!

    • Furthermore, you do realize that DMHO is the chemical name for ***spoiler alert*** water? So, basically it’s saying the terrorists have water. If they didn’t, there wouldn’t be any terrorists.

  3. Does that stuff light? The next time he destroys mankind, the Lord said he was going to make the mutherf*cker burn —- burn mutherf*cker, burn! .

  4. Really? Water puns? You guys seem to be going through a dry spell. Our thirst for humor is still a little parched.

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