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Marine Corps unveils new recruiting slogan: ‘No Balls’


QUANTICO, Va. — The U.S. Marine Corps has officially unveiled its new recruiting slogan to replace its classic “The Few, The Proud” with one primed to inspire a modern generation: “No Balls.”

“The old slogan did a decent job of distinguishing us from the other branches,” said Lt. Col. John Caldwell, a spokesman for Marine Corps Recruiting Command. “But we needed new products to frame who we are and what we do in the 21st Century.”

Caldwell went out of his way to explain the new campaign is not related with efforts to integrate women into combat roles. He further dismissed any notion the new slogan was insinuating anything to do with courage as patriarchal and hateful.

“It doesn’t have anything to do with that,” Caldwell said. “It has everything to do with clearly defining who we are as a modern Marine Corps. We’re simply saying some Marines have ovaries on the inside, and some have ovaries on the outside. That’s the fighting spirit of the organization and that’s the fighting spirit of all Marines.”

A number of popular alternatives may also appear on future advertising campaigns once approved by Marine Corps leadership later this year. These include: “We Don’t Promise You A Cis-Gendered Garden,” and “We’re Looking For A Few Good Societal Issues That Have Nothing To Do With War-fighting.”

Caldwell was unavailable for further comment since he was already late for his scheduled gender reassignment surgery.

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