Secret Service wary of Mattis having plan to kill everyone he meets at Trump Tower

General James Mattis

NEW YORK — Agents with the Secret Service are reportedly stressed and uneasy about a meeting between President-elect Donald Trump and retired Marine Gen. James Mattis, since the legendary four-star commander has a plan to kill everyone he meets at Trump Tower.

Mattis, 66, was summoned to Trump’s New York City penthouse on Saturday to discuss the possibility of his being named as Defense Secretary.

As part of his pre-trip planning, sources say that Mattis wrote a five-paragraph order with detailed plans to kill everyone on his way to the building, to include TSA workers in the security screening area at his home airport, the pilots flying him to New York, all the passengers on the aircraft, the taxi driver who picked him up, multiple people who were rude to him on the subway, and staff in the lobby of Trump Tower.

When reached by reporters, Mattis declined to comment on whether he had a plan to kill anyone else.

Still, a source familiar with the meeting said that Mattis was hopeful for the future president. At the end of the hour-long meeting, Mattis believed he was high on the list for Defense Secretary, though he issued a tearful warning to Trump and his staff before he left, saying, “if you fuck with me, I’ll kill you all.”

In an apparent act of goodwill, Mattis only killed three people who looked at him the wrong way in the elevator, a new career low for a retired military officer who averages at least 12 kills per day.


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5 Comments

  1. What is this? A satire site? 12 kills a day? Seriously? He averages at least twice that…

    FAKE NEWS! BLOCK THIS SITE!

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