New website will allow Marines to share homemade porn videos

Marines with Communications Company, Combat Logistics Regiment 27 test the network and communication lines during a field exercise aboard Camp Lejeune, N.C., Sept. 11, 2012. Marines with Comm. Company conducted a week-long field exercise to assess their capabilities of having a tactical network that is used when Marines deploy abroad.

MARINE CORPS BASE QUANTICO, Va. – The Marine Corps is set to launch a video sharing service next month that will make it even easier for Marines to share homemade porn videos.

Officially called MarineNet Video Services, the system is designed to allow Marines to post small-unit training videos that they’ve captured on their personal phones or cameras. The service will not require a Common Access Card, or CAC, to post videos, however.

This means Marines will be able to post homemade porn weird happenings in the shower or toilet, and drunken idiocy videos – the only kinds of videos they make – directly from their mobile devices.

“Marines are always trying to stick their CACs in somewhere, but they really can just post videos straight from their phones,” said project developer Maj. Harold Johnson.

The new service, more commonly referred to as “Pussytube” by the lance corporal testing group that corrupted the multi-million dollar initiative, will allow all types of video files to be uploaded, including cellphone videos, toilet and shower spy cams, skirt cams, and infrared and night-vision goggle imagery.

“We at Quantico are excited to see the hard-core, money shots of Marines going at it in the woods during the Endurance Course … you know, demonstrating the um, proper rifle carrying techniques for  training purposes,” Johnson said.

“I’ve got this really sweet video of some hot corporals washing each other’s backs in the shower that I can’t wait to post,” said Lance Cpl. Pat Smith, one of the beta testers. “One of ’em drops the soap like three times!”

The Corps’ senior enlisted leader, Sgt. Maj. Ronald Green, spoke highly of the idea of sharing unit training videos online.

“I think it’ll be really useful for other units across the Corps to see what individual battalions are doing at the unit level,” Green said.

When told that individual Marines, not units, will be responsible for uploading the majority of the expected footage, Green responded, “Are you freakin’ kiddin’ me? What dumbass came up with that idea? All we’re gonna get is close-ups of their junk while they’re at the gym!”

At press time, Training and Education Command was working quickly to program a CAC requirement into the website, though it was having difficulty deleting the nearly 2,300 videos titled “PFCs in the head.”


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One Comment

  1. Huh. That gives me an idea! If you’d like a video of MY junk while I’m working out at the gym, just let me know (I’ve got dozens made already) and I can put together a channel for that.

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