WASHINGTON — Top U.S. officials sheepishly admitted today that their comprehensive ban on more than seven Muslim-majority nations from traveling to America had inexplicably failed to include residents of the Islamic State.
The ban, which was issued on Friday, covers all citizens of Iraq, Iran, Libya, Somalia, Sudan, Syria, Yemen, the Nation of Islam, and the International House of Pancakes.
However, it does not include the Islamic State, the world’s premier capital of terrorism and jihad, which holds territory in most of eastern Syria and western Iraq.
Just hours after the ban took effect, a planeload of 120 ISIS fighters disembarked at Dulles International Airport and passed by a phalanx of immigration officials who were busy shoving several elderly Syrian women and a special needs Iraqi child into a van.
The ISIS fighters said they were in America to help institute Shariah law in Oklahoma, create several new execution videos, and perhaps, crash their plane into the first building to attract their fancy.
Officials from the Department of Homeland Security criticized the media for taking the event out of context, and said that any complaints that the ban was not effective were “simply not true.”
They highlighted that just in the first hour of the ban, officials at JFK International Airport in New York had detained an Iranian mathematician with a briefcase full of Arabic numerals.
White House Chief of Staff Reince Priebus condemned media outlets for claiming that the ISIS fighters were able to “just stroll through customs.”
Priebus said the group was forced to wait a full hour to enter the U.S. after one of their members filled out on his customs declaration that he was bringing fruits and vegetables into the country.
He added that the ISIS fighters should have technically been traveling on their Syrian or Iraqi passports, since the Islamic State is not actually recognized by anyone aside from the Taliban and the University of California, Berkeley.
Still, Priebus grew agitated when he learned the fighters had instead all whipped out their Saudi, Egyptian, and Pakistani passports.
In response to U.S. plans to add the Islamic State to future travel bans, ISIS officials vowed to immediately retaliate by likewise prohibiting any U.S. citizens from entering or staying in the Islamic State.
ISIS leaders have said that all U.S. visitors, including more than half of the Joint Special Operations Command, had 24 hours to stop carrying out drone strikes and night raids, and exit the country.
Duffel Blog investigative reporter Paul Sharpe also contributed to this report.