Opinion: There’s the problem. The fuckin’ doohicky ain’t in the thingamajig

us army comm

The following is an op-ed written by a soldier in your S-6 communications section.

Well now, there’s your problem, soldier — the fucking doohicky ain’t in that there thingamajig. Turn her right ’round and look under the hangin’ on the bit that looks like a bump on the ass — that’s where you’ll find the solution.

Normally S-6 could just slide that puppy right on up in there, but because of this other bit (which no one else even noticed) ain’t even, God darn it, attached to the doohickey! Lordy!  Now, that ain’t a thing to get worked up over either, that’s somethin’ we can just sticka-roo right back on there with a bit of spit-gristle.

Unfortunately, the female-end connector for the digital thermoflodget was back ordered at the SSA, and the machine shop did not finish reconfoobling the megapickle until after the deadline had passed.

If it weren’t for the binary infractors, we would have outmaneuvered the operating bits and had comm up on time.

Now, that’s only the surface issue, troop. The rubber meets the road, and the axe — the grindstone where the rextonical meets the plutherthistle.

If you know what I mean.

Haha, of course you do.

I think we can get this whole shindig off the ground. You take that bit there with the tits — yeah the nipples on the end there gotta fit into this part. Just throw some spit on it, troop.

Now, that there is the real, underlying, issue, if you will; and I know you will. Because we’re talking about daggone operational readiness ain’t we? And operational readiness is second to none but the Lord, His angels, and our mammas.

But I digress, the issue is the flow of posifluxers over a conduxel coating on the handle there. Now you see!  We’re back to the bump on the ass we was at at the beginning, ain’t we?

Yessir, yessir. indeed. That’s your issue.


Can you help us? We aren't some gigantic media corporation. Duffel Blog is literally just one guy editing a bunch of articles written by military contributors — all on a shoestring budget. If you love what we do, please donate a few bucks to keep our doors open. Even the smallest amount is a big help.

6 Comments

  1. i always adjust the frammis on the colpitts oscillator to 10mhz. this allows the elroy tabs to interface with the puffinator!

  2. That’s what happens when u have widgets made by the lowest bidder. it frazzles the thingumyjig and bobs your uncle!

  3. as a 2M tech in the Navy i tried to bring very same thing to the attention of the Navy’s Board of Naval Chinglators. i was roundly denounced and told that it met the RCH Standards in the “Book”…and don’t get me started on Boondocker Calibration Standards.

  4. It’ll never work unless you turn on the interocitor, place the intensifier disk in the right-hand control, and rotate it 18 degrees counterclockwise!

One Ping

  1. Pingback:

Troops sour on Mattis nomination after he releases 6,000-book reading list

DNI Clapper confers with President Obama.

Intelligence community publishes all classified material online to stop leakers