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Change-of-command fart leads to change-of-boxers


CAMP LEJEUNE, NC —  An unexpected fart during 2nd Marine Aircraft Wing’s change-of-command ceremony on Tuesday led to a change of boxers for Sgt. Maj. Samuel Beckett, his wife Patti confirmed.

“Brand new ones he just got for Christmas from Duluth Trading Company,” Patti told reporters. “$22.50 per pair and my Tide-To-Go pen isn’t making a dent in it.”

The incident occurred mid-ceremony as Beckett took over Sgt. Maj. Alfonso Vasques’ position as wing sergeant major.

“I was white knuckling and giving Vasques ‘the eyes’, but he kept rambling with his speech. By the time our battalion commander ordered us to ‘post’ I was waddling, and when he had us ‘about face’ I lost my grip.”

The battalion commander, Lt. Col. Harold Greene, froze momentarily but was able to carry on with the event.

“It sounded like a small girl said ‘squeeee?’ and I had to think of My Lai to hold my bearing,” said Greene. “What can I say? Beckett really soiled his first impression. Seems like this ceremony left him pooped. We’ll have to get him a no shart chit. I hope he doesn’t stink up the battalion.”

“Alright, you get the idea,” he added.

Several lance corporals say Beckett was spotted alone at the chow hall’s Taco Tuesday “going a little too heavy on the queso” just hours before the ceremony took place.

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