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Major pokes head out of meeting, predicts 6 more hours of useless slides


PENTAGAWNEY, Va. — In a celebrated local tradition, Maj. Bill O’Connor poked his head out of a staff meeting today to predict whether or not it would end early, eventually declaring the meeting would continue for at least another six hours after he saw a shadow of his former self in the hallway mirror, sources say.

The event has become a daily custom in O’Connor’s office. Nearly every day, coworkers from around the building gather outside the conference room with coffee and donuts to await his forecast.

“Will liberty come early?” asked coworker Maj. Steve Gruehle. “Or will we be here until 1930 again wondering who will be tasked to make the slides for next week?”

Friends say that O’Connor has, for 127 weeks straight, correctly predicted the meeting will both continue for many more hours and that the content being briefed will be utterly useless.

O’Connor, who works in the Pentagon’s Office of Plans, Strategy, Budget, and Plans, says long meetings are one of the downsides of doing all the planning his office does.

“I just feel like we’re stuck in this endless loop where we’re briefing the same things over and over,” he said. “But sometimes what it takes is seven or eight hours of PowerPoint to make sure our plans, strategy, budget, plans, and analysis are analyzed and budgeted strategically.”

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