FOXBOROUGH, Mass. — Not even 24 hours after a dramatic overtime victory over the Atlanta Falcons, the New England Patriots have become embroiled in new controversy by not giving credit to the real heroes of Super Bowl 51: America’s veterans.
“Sure, Tom Brady may have five Super Bowl wins and single-handedly orchestrated a 31-point comeback victory that was statistically improbable, but has he ever closed with and destroyed our nation’s enemies by means of fire and maneuver?” said one former Marine supply clerk, Paul Corrigan, in a viral Facebook post.
“Neither have I, but people died for his freedom. Where is their Super Bowl parade?”
According to NFL commissioner Roger Goodell, veterans have been bombarding the NFL’s headquarters in New York with emails and phone calls. Many others have flooded NFL.com with comments condemning the team’s “outright dismissal” of contributions to the Patriots’ electric second half rally by service members, past and present.
“I can assure you that if there were any attempts by the New England Patriots to cover-up or overshadow the achievements of our nation’s heroes, no matter how benign, we will take swift action,” Goodell told members of the media. “We take all accusations of a criminal nature, except rape, domestic violence, substance abuse, felonious weapons violations, and traumatic brain injuries, extremely seriously, and will ensure those responsible are punished.”
Making matters worse for the league, petitions are circulating online and gaining significant momentum to change the Patriots logo amid concerns of cultural appropriation among Revolutionary War veterans.
“Our nations forefathers are rolling over in their graves knowing that their likeness has been converted to a cartoon mascot for monetary gain,” said famed internet personality, veterans’ advocate, and “Balls Out American Jihad Slayer” veteran underwear mastermind Jim Flores. “Using veterans as capitalist props is, quite frankly, revolting.”
Social media opinion was also strongly in favor of honoring the impact veterans made on the outcome of the game, calling the completely perceived slight “treasonous” and “disgusting.”
At press time, a WhiteHouse.gov petition had over 97,000 signatures proposing legislation to make New England’s players prove they are “true patriots” by starting irreverent, military themed t-shirt companies.