CAMP PENDLETON, Ca. – An entire platoon from 1st Marine Division was treated for whiplash at Naval Hospital Camp Pendleton yesterday after a “smokin’ hot chick” ran by while the Marines were in formation.
The incident happened at approximately 7:30 in the morning as the Marines were being briefed on the plan of the day following a physical training session.
“We were standing there listening to Sgt. Watson drone on, when all the sudden this blond chick with a bangin’ bod comes from the left in super short shorts and a scrap of fabric covering her enormous knockers. I couldn’t look away and wrenched my neck staring at her as she ran by,” Lance Cpl. Tim Rogers reported.
According to multiple eyewitness accounts, the runner’s hair was in a ponytail or French braid or blowing free in the wind, and her shorts were gray or light green or “definitely a bluish-purple.” Her sports bra was uniformly reported to be hot pink and cut low enough to reveal totally fake or squeezably real DD or maybe G-cup sized breasts.
A small group of overweight women pushing 17 children in baby strollers saw the platoon trip over each other and collapse as the woman ran by and called MPs to report the virtual assault.
Duffel Blog obtained a recording of the 911 tape, which included the following: “Some hussy just ran by flashin’ her titties at a group of Marines, and they all collapsed … She took off towards the gym! Send a sweatshirt for that bitch and all your ambulances for the platoon.”
In addition to whiplash, several of the Marines were treated for eye strain, lockjaw and an erection lasting longer than four hours.
“I’ve worked in field hospitals on four deployments, and I’ve never seen a mass casualty like this,” said Dr. Steven Banning, chief of orthopedics at the Naval Hospital. “We ran out of neck braces and had to borrow some from Balboa [Naval Hospital in San Diego].”
Maj. Michelle Jacoby, the deputy G-3 officer for the division, was given a non-punitive letter of caution, due to the lost training time on the part of the platoon, and for failing to inform her wife of the base’s clothing requirements for physical training.