Marine sergeant major takes over as spokesman for Yoo-hoo chocolate drink

Introduction Speech Gen. Amos

CAMP PENDLETON, Calif. — A Marine sergeant major has parlayed his vast experience of calling junior troops “yoo-hoos” into a role as an official spokesman for Yoo-Hoo, a popular chocolate beverage company.

Sgt. Maj. Harry J. Larrington, 43, of 1st Battalion, 5th Marines, is retiring after 24 years and is set to run communications for the Texas-based company next month. Though he planned to take some time off in retirement, he was offered the job outside the base post exchange earlier today.

“I spotted a group of war pigs in formation outside the PX,” Larrington told reporters. “And none of them, not a single one of those devil dogs had a friggin’ damned canteen on their bodies.”

Sources confirmed that Larrington then approached the platoon and began screaming.

“I yelled ‘hey there yoo-hoos! Where in the fuck are we headed without our water sources?'” Larrington asked. “Who’s in charge of this abortion of a formation?’ I was about to make them dress-right-dress when some nasty civilian walked up.”

That ‘nasty civilian’ turned out to be a recruiter with Yoo-hoo, who ended up hiring him on the spot.

“Once we heard Harry say his iconic ‘yoo-hoo,’ we knew we had struck gold,” said Peter Blanchard, a recruiter for the company. “What could be better than marketing to our service members with a stereotype they all know? It makes total sense when you consider every vending machine on every military installation sells Yoo-hoo.”

At press time, Yoo-hoo was planning a nationwide guerrilla marketing campaign in which Larrington would scream at people in grocery stores.

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