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Sony announces reboot of ‘Black Hawk Down’


BURBANK, Calif. — Sony Pictures has announced plans to reboot the film “Black Hawk Down,” sources confirmed today.

“We are proud to bring the story of ‘Black Hawk Down’ to a new generation,” Sony President John Waterkins said. “We look forward to telling the story in a more contemporary manner.”

Changes to the original story include adding a number of LGBTQI+ soldiers to the cast who try to make friends with enemy fighters instead of shooting them, while Medal of Honor recipients Master Sgt. Gordon and Sgt. 1st Class Shugart will be played by Chinese actors.

The studio has also considered an all-female cast that would perform a song and dance routine for a potential tie-in with “La La Land.”

“Focus groups indicate privileged American soldiers shooting disadvantaged Africans would be insensitive,” Waterkins added. “So, our version of the film will be set in Syria against ISIS forces, instead of Mogadishu.”

Still, the film will include nods to the original film, using classic lines such as “this is my safety, sir” while a soldier puts on his reflective belt, and a version of the compelling speech given by the character “Hoot,” who explains why he serves in the Army at a time of war.

“When I go back home, people ask me, ‘why do you do it, man? Why? Are you some kind of war junkie?'” the character says in the new film. “I just tell them no. War is a terrible thing and nothing good ever comes from violence.”

The studio says the new reboot will be the first of many films in the new “Black Hawk Down” franchise.

Production on the first film is set to begin sometime later this year.

Sony is already considering two sequels, “Black Hawk Down and Downer,” and “Black Hawk Down Syndrome.”

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