WASHINGTON — The White House and Pentagon have finally confirmed the location of the aircraft carrier USS Carl Vinson, admitting that the carrier is actually sailing off the coast of Hawaii in 1941 after getting sucked into a time vortex.
The location of the carrier has been the subject of intense international speculation since the Trump administration declared two weeks ago that the carrier was steaming from Singapore to North Korea in a bid to raise tensions, lower tensions, or some combination of the two.
Navy Officials have now admitted that statement was in error and reluctantly admitted that the Vinson is currently somewhere in the vicinity of Pearl Harbor, circa December 1941.
The actual location of the Vinson was recently confirmed in a yellowed photograph, discovered in the Navy’s archives by the History and Heritage Command. The archives also included details on an aerial engagement with “two mint condition Japanese Zeroes,” the capture of one Japanese pilot and radio transmissions about “[L]etting the Japs do it again.”
Capt. Douglas Verissimo, the Carl Vinson’s commanding officer, issued a press statement 76 years ago which was only recently delivered to media outlets via Western Union. Verissimo said every few years a U.S. carrier gets teleported somewhere in the past, and the time travel of the ship has become “somewhat routine” by this point.
“The Navy has given all its ship captains thoroughly detailed instructions for what to do in situations like this,” Verissimo’s statement read, which was barely legible after seven decades. “Usually it’s ‘do something useful,’ like kill Hitler or ensure Navy beats Army.”
White House officials have stated repeatedly that all their information comes from the Department of Defense.
“DOD informed us the Vinson was heading to the Sea of Japan. We wanted to show we mean business with North Korea. However, if we have to teach Japan to behave again, fine,” White House spokesman Sean Spicer said with a shrug.
Pentagon officials who spoke on condition of anonymity, expressed their bewilderment with the lack of coordination from White House.
“We have analyzed the photos and even the radio transmissions which are the genuine article. If the White House is so set on taking us this far back in history, I wish they would let us know,” said one frazzled Navy imagery analyst.
G-Had contributed reporting.