General walks length of headquarters hallway without once being asked a question

COLORADO SPRINGS, Colo. — Gen. Lori J. Robinson, commander of the North American Aerospace Defense Command and U.S. Northern Command (NORTHCOM), was disappointed yesterday when she walked the length of the hallway outside her office without once being asked for guidance, sources confirmed.

In the 20 minutes spent in the hallway, Robinson reportedly gazed at a photograph taken during the activation of Northern Command in 2002, but no one came up to ask for her thoughts on maritime domain awareness. Even when she looked at a picture of a C-130 dropping retardant on a forest fire in Montana, it was as if no one in the headquarters cared at all for her ideas on countering transnational organized crime.

Robinson is said to have then milled about in a nearby hallway while appearing to look at a sketch of a Coast Guard cutter and repeatedly taking sips of water from a drinking fountain, but not one single staffer approached her even to ask for an off-base restaurant recommendation, sources confirmed.

She later moved to a latrine and washed her hands for ten minutes, but despite looking directly at everyone who entered, no one asked her the first thing about the 2018 National Defense Authorization Act. After sighing and leaving the latrine, Robinson hung around the top of a busy stairwell for a couple of minutes but only got a few shy acknowledgments of her presence from the staff.

Robinson, an expert in the management of air battle spaces, and experienced in presenting Air Force equities to Congress, is the highest-ranking officer in the history of the U.S. military to have had absolutely no one take advantage of a chance hallway opportunity to “get the gouge” on her thoughts about the current state of theater security cooperation activities, according to a senior defense official.

Having not been asked her thoughts about absolutely anything, Robinson then went to the snack bar and sat down at an empty table, expecting to be queried by an opportunistic lieutenant colonel about her views on Arctic defense, sources said. Instead, the only person who talked to her was a barista who sought guidance on how that caffé mocha tasted.

“I suppose I should be glad no one needs my guidance,” Robinson told Duffel Blog over a sandwich she’d ordered in the hope that someone would ask her for a decision bigger than “mayo or mustard.”

“It could mean the staff understands my vision, and is too busy working 24/7 defending the homeland to take time to ask for my guidance on defending the homeland.”

Later that day, Robinson was seen not being asked her thoughts on how far the Boston Red Sox will go this year.


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