Trump refuses to rule out ‘start a military apparel company’ option

WASHINGTON — After boasting on Twitter last week that he would not rule out a “military option” in both Venezuela and North Korea, President Donald Trump today refused to rule out the possibility that he would start a military apparel company, sources confirmed.

Senior military advisers close to the White House said his avoiding the issue is a big indicator that “he’s definitely thinking about it.”

Trump has declined to release his tax returns, despite many promises to do so, leaving many to speculate as to what old business ties, and possible new ones, may be hidden from public view. Some of his assets have been passed on to his children, but with Ivanka’s expertise in fashion industry, experts say a new service-oriented clothing line could be a looming possibility.

“Its definitely alarming.” said Bernardo Álvarez Herrera, the Venezuelan ambassador to the United States. “Without concrete proof, we must assume he intends to use his title as commander-in-chief to implement another devastating military-themed company upon the global economy.”

South America alone has suffered over $6 billion in revenue losses in the last year due to Black Rifle Coffee and others like it, with Brazil and Columbia suffering hardest.

Some possible names for the future company included “The DisTrumpled Veteran Co.”, “Agent Orange Man Inc.”, and “Un-Fake Pews,” according to a senior administration official.

At press time, a senior White House official said reports of a Trump military brand “is, most definitely fake news,” but speculated that if it were to happen, it would be “yuge.”


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