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Sergeant Major of the Marine Corps placed on Body Composition Program

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HENDERSON HALL, Va. — Sergeant Major of the Marine Corps Ronald L. Green was placed on the Body Composition Program by Commandant of the Marine Corps Robert B. Neller late last week, Duffel Blog has learned.

Green, a 34-year veteran of the Corps, has “really let himself go” in recent months, according to multiple sources at Headquarters Marine Corps.

“That man is thicker than a Snicker,” said a colonel who requested anonymity due to the sensitive nature of the topic. “It is good to see the Marine Corps holding senior leaders accountable for their actions, just like we do with lance corporals who make one mistake and are immediately punished.”

Green has been spotted running every day at noon in his green-on-green physical training uniform alongside Gen. Robert Neller and other “bigger boned” senior Marine leaders, a ritual known to BCP Marines across the Corps as the “lunch bunch.”

Green was placed on the remedial PT program just days after he appeared at Quantico’s Modern Day Marine Expo, where he sampled new weaponry, gear, a large rack of ribs, French fries, two hamburgers, a hot dog, and a Diet Dr. Pepper.

“His ass is so fat, Wiz Khalifa has been asking around for his phone number,” one fellow sergeant major told reporters. “When he drops that ass to the floor, it’s an assquake. Build a house up on that ass, that’s an asstate.”

When reached at his Henderson Hall office, Green was unapologetic about his recent weight gain.

“I eat because I’m unhappy, and I’m unhappy because I eat,” he said, eating his second Frito pie of the day. “I love myself, but I hate myself. My diet starts tomorrow.”

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