CAMP PENDLETON, Calif. — After President Trump’s order to the Pentagon to bar transgender people from military service, one company first sergeant is pushing back, by using gender-neutral pronouns.
“I just don’t dog’on get what all this gosh darn hootinanny is about!” a defiant 1st Sgt. Alvin Fry told reporters. “If POTUS says jump, you then best get cover and aligned and step it out. Trackin’?”
Fry then reminded a young lance corporal who was walking nearby that having his hands in his pockets literally created Hitler, all while ensuring to never assume their gender.
Instead, he gallantly used a barrage of “Devil Dogs” and called him a dipshit, to eloquently convey his kind, mentoring message.
Amazed by such an open display of progressiveness, reporters asked that lance corporal what it was like to serve under such inspirational leader.
“Oh he’s always been like that,” Lance Cpl. Ryan Skelton said. “If it’s not ‘killer’ or ‘motivator,’ it’s some other word like that. I don’t even think he’s capable of using anything else to describe someone.”