SAN DIEGO — Naval officer and self-described "warrior-scholar" Lt. Mark Chadwick was saved from drowning by his massively inflated ego during a training exercise earlier this week, sources confirmed.

Bystanders claim that after Chadwick fell overboard he immediately condescended not only to the rescue team but also to the water itself, and that he certainly would have drowned had he not begun touting his credentials so much that his arrogance literally kept him afloat.

"I was top of my class at the Academy, and lettered in track and sprint football," said Chadwick in an interview, smugly knocking his class ring on the table while gesturing to the various items in his challenge coin collection. "So I wasn't worried about some pathetic little water that probably went to community college."