MILLINGTON, Tenn. — The US Navy’s recruiting command will soon debut its latest television commercial set to air nationwide, which promises potential naval aviators adventure, and the ability to draw giant dicks in the sky, sources confirmed today.
“In the 1980s, the movie Top Gun was one of our most successful recruiting efforts, and it really helped get us a new generation of pilots,” said Rear Adm. Pete Garvin, commander of Recruiting Command. “But we realized we were coming up short in recent years. And then we realized we just needed to promise what is every young man’s dream: To draw dicks for a living.”
“And not just small ones on paper, mind you. I’m talking giant monstrous dicks made from aircraft exhaust,” he added.
Recruiting Command filmed parts of the commercial on Thursday in Washington State. Local bystanders were amazed at the dick-drawing abilities of the pilot, Lt. Eddie “Drip” Leak.
Navy officials stress that pilots will be able to draw dicks both in training and in combat.
“There’s nothing like dropping a bomb on an ISIS bomb-making factory and then drawing a big veiny one overhead, to add insult to injury,” said Capt. Lionel Edwards, a Navy spokesman.
Air Force officials are monitoring the Navy’s efforts, since the service has been dealing with its own crisis of trying to keep pilots in uniform. The service is hopeful that it can correct its pilot shortage by promising its own service members the ability to draw dicks in the sky.
“Delta isn’t going to let you do that,” one official said.