The following is a point/counterpoint discussion about the best way to respond to a mass reply-all email. The point will be presented by USARCENT, while the counterpoint will be presented by various people on the email chain.
POINT: Sent by USARCENT at 11:23 A.M.: “This email was accidentally distributed to all 45,000 soldiers currently assigned to U.S. Army Central Command (USARCENT), and was not intended to be read by every recipient. Please delete this email immediately, without making any copies, and do not use the Reply or Reply All functions to respond, as this could put significant strain on our Outlook system.
COUNTERPOINT: Sent by SSG JOHNSTON, MARCUS L. at 11:25 A.M.: “Please remove me from this distribution list.”
POINT: Sent by USARCENT at 11:26 A.M.: “Once again, please do NOT Reply All to this email chain, as it was erroneously sent to 45,000 recipients. Every time you Reply All, YOU are responsible for making this problem worse. Failure to comply with this order will result in negative counseling or other appropriate measures.”
COUNTERPOINT: Sent by 1SG SMITH, STEPHEN F. at 11:33 P.M.: “Hey sir, did you see this email yet? Also, the softball game has been cancelled due to sandstorm. We’re trying to book field 3 on Saturday.”
POINT: Sent by USARCENT at 11:34 P.M.: “For the love of all that’s holy, please DO NOT under any circumstances Reply All to this email chain. Every time you do, you and 44,999 other recipients lead us further toward the collapse of our collective sanity, the republic, and possibly the space time continuum upon itself.
COUNTERPOINT: Sent by 1LT GALL, WILLIAM at 11:35 A.M.: “I appreciate the heads up, 1SG Smith. We’ll inform S3 about the storm. Everyone, I’m expanding distro regarding softball game. I don’t think we’ve roped everyone in.”
POINT: Sent by USARCENT at 11:37 A.M.: “I swear to god I am going to systematically hunt down all 45,000 of you and beat you to death with a claw hammer. Hitting Reply All disrupts and delays vital USARCENT comms. We’re able to kill ISIS cyber actors with a drone strike. Don’t think I can’t spare all the time in the world and a claw hammer for each and every single one you hitting Reply All.”
COUNTERPOINT: Sent by SPC DENSE, VIOLET M. at 11:39 A.M.: “1LT GALL, so we’re no longer playing sir? I don’t know if we can all make it to lot 3 Saturday. I’m forwarding to the rest of our shop as they were left off…”
