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Salad bar at base dining facility now only consists of single hard-boiled egg


FAIRFIELD, Calif. — Sources at the Travis Air Force Base dining facility say the salad bar now consists of only one chopped hard-boiled egg, sources confirmed today.

“There was a couple of bacon bits left, a smidgen of black olives, and three wilted pieces of spinach,” a cook reportedly said in a gritty but sad voice as he took another drag from this cigarette. “Now it seems like there’s nothing but a heaping pile of chopped hard-boiled egg with the yellow center still splayed all over the protein rich whites.”

Before this most recent incident, the facility was doing rather well, having recently adding smoked salmon and dried cranberries to the line-up, according to food service officer Fred Kane.

However, there are no witnesses to this supposed gain in exciting foods other than hearsay and speculation. “Oh we had it,” Kane said. “But then, you know, people eat things and then we don’t put new food out. What do you think this is? Sizzler?”

Defense officials say the base contracts with Labatt Food Service for the cooking and other food services.

“You hear the word ‘organic’ tossed around a lot,” Kane added, before going on to talk about the “quality” of the “food.”

“But I don’t know what that means and I’m mostly sure the hard-boiled eggs were from real chickens, I think. You choose what you want to believe.”

At press time, sources said that staff had replaced the Jell-O at the end of the salad bar with a more yellow tinted-looking Jell-O, further bringing into question as to why Jell-O is at the salad bar in the first place.

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