CORONADO, Calif. — Sharp Coronado Hospital has confirmed a woman remains in critical condition following an evening with a local Navy SEAL over the weekend.
After meeting at McP’s Bar, the woman and an unnamed SEAL returned to his apartment, where she was overcome by an allergic reaction to a rare form of dander unique to sheepdogs. Help was delayed when he combat-carried her five miles to the hospital instead of calling an ambulance, sources said.
A statement from the hospital was posted on their website to let others know the warning signs, as most women are unaware they have this allergy until they are riding the face of a hero:
“If you start to experience sneezing, runny nose, watery eyes, itchy skin, shortness of breath or hives, you might be in close contact with a protector of the United States of America, a guardian of society, keeper of the flock. A sheepdog. One who can go blazing through the soul of evil and walk away unharmed. Who bucks the trend Norman Mailer spoke of when he said, ‘There is a certain built-in tendency to destroy masculinity in American men.’ Sheepdogs don’t have that problem.”
The hospital added: “The rest of you have the luxury of cowering at the force of their violence while admiring with awe the protection it provides you. Meanwhile, they kick ass and write books and appear as experts on CNN and kick ass all over again before going back to watch over the flock. (You, the pathetic American public, who probably all skipped leg day, are the flock.) So anyways, for your own health it’s best to pretend to use the bathroom and quietly dip out on them if you have sheepdog allergies.”
Studies show hospitals closest to military bases with special operations units tend to have higher incidents of sheepdog allergy reactions. Hospitals near most Air Force bases appear to have close to zero cases, defense officials said.
The woman’s family is praying that she will make a full recovery, and her mother hopes she’ll get back with her ex-boyfriend, a National Guardsman. The SEAL was last seen back at McP’s, having beers with several other males of his breed.