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Michael Flynn opens Center for Spies who Can’t Tradecraft Good


WASHINGTON, D.C. — Former National Security Advisor and retired Army Lt. Gen. Michael Flynn has opened a new school to train the nation’s next generation of spies to send unencrypted emails, hold meetings with foreign adversaries in public places, and talk on phones that are almost certainly being tapped by the NSA, sources confirmed today.

The Michael Flynn Center For Spies Who Can’t Tradecraft Good, And Who Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too will teach a variety of courses designed to assist intelligence professionals struggling with tradecraft disabilities.

The training includes coursework on how to lie on your security clearance forms, the art of extraordinary rendition inside the United States, and tips on the best non-secure methods for contacting Russian officials.

“I just get so focused when I’m spying on everyone’s phone calls. Sometimes I forget, maybe somebody’s spying on my phone calls too,” said NSA analyst Chris Galardi, who hopes to attend the training soon, although like most signals intelligence analysts, he has no friends to call.

Flynn, the former Defense Intelligence Agency director, recently pleaded guilty to lying to the FBI about phone calls to Russian Ambassador Sergey Kislyak. The charges came just months after he was fired as national security advisor because he lied to Vice President Mike Pence about the calls.

He was also later dismissed as Chairman of the Board of The Inept Intelligence Professionals of America, a professional organization started by former CIA Director George Tenet.

“Without question, Flynn is a slam dunk horrible intelligence professional among our ranks,” Tenet said. “But even we have to maintain at least some standards here.”

Still, Flynn hopes that maybe he can regain the respect of the intelligence community, by offering his training free-of-charge to the nation’s spies, due to a generous sponsorship from Turkey and Russia.

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