AL-BUKAMAL, Syria — A Syrian Christian man living in an ISIS-controlled town is praising President Donald Trump’s brave stand for Christians around the world, which has finally made it okay to say ‘Merry Christmas’ in public, sources confirmed.
“I’m so incredibly thankful that President Trump is standing up for the persecution of Christians who have been oppressed and not allowed to celebrate Christmas like Jesus wanted,” said Haroun al-Bibi, just one day before his scheduled execution.
“With Trump as your president, we are going to be celebrating Merry Christmas again, and it’s going to be done with a big, beautiful tax cut,” Trump said recently. The president was referring to his predecessor, Barack Obama, who said ‘Merry Christmas’ every single year during his 8 years in office, but you know damn well he didn’t really mean it.
“I sympathize with my Christian brothers in the West. Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I cannot comprehend the horror of being told “happy holidays,'” al-Bibi added.
The 31-year-old isn’t the only person in the Middle East singing the praises of President Trump. A number of attendees of a Coptic Christian Church in Egypt have sent letters expressing support for the president’s interesting version of the Nativity story, while simultaneously condemning Starbucks for using non-Christian coffee cups.
Al-Bibi, who serves as a deacon in his church, says he looks forward to his severed head being boxed up and placed under the tree of his village neighbor.
“As long as the wrapping paper has elves saying Merry Christmas,” he said. “I’ll die a happy man.”
Poet of Sport and Justin Coates contributed reporting.