DUFFEL BLOG PRESENTS: Leaders’ pet phrases — What do they really mean?

Navigating your way through a successful tour in the military is challenging to say the least. Often our leader’s intent is unclear, their purpose is vague, or they have trouble with communication skills.

In an effort to help service members maneuver through the hazards of miscommunication, misunderstanding, and misperception, Duffel Blog has compiled and translated the top pet phrases used throughout the armed services by its leaders at all levels.

This handy guide will aid you in avoiding the pitfalls of life as a subordinate and understand what your leaders actually mean when they speak.

1. “I’m not here to make friends.”

Translation: “I am going to use the mantle of leadership as an excuse to be as big of a dick as I possibly can, mostly because I don’t give a crap about anyone but myself.”

2. “We’re submitting your for a NAM/AAM.”

Translation: “You’re never, ever going to see a NAM/AAM. Oh, here’s your Letter of Appreciation.”

3. “Message to Garcia, Devil Dog!”

Translation: “I haven’t the faintest idea how to train you to correct your deficiencies. So I’m just going to yell at you until you say ‘aye-aye’ and flee my presence.”

4.  “Perception is reality.”

Translation: “I’m really not going to bother looking any further then the surface of the issue or gather all the facts. Will you accept NJP?”

5. “Rank has its privileges.”

Translation: “I am going to take advantage of every opportunity to look out for my own self-interest at the expense of everyone within my sphere of influence.”

6. “It would behoove of you…”

Translation: “I’m so stupid I don’t even know how to use this word correctly.”

7. “It is what it is.”

Translation: “I’m not going to do a damn thing about it either because that would require effort on my part and imply I actually give a rat’s ass about subordinates.”

8. “You have the right to remain silent…”

Translation: “You are so fucked…”