Gunny solves unit morale problems with innovative THROATPUNCH System
CAMP LEJEUNE, N.C. — Marine Gunnery Sgt. Lyle Coolridge has developed an innovative new leadership method called the "T.H.R.O.A.T.P.U.N.C.H. System" to solve his unit's morale problems, sources confirmed today.
According to Coolridge, the system draws on some of the most cutting edge management practices and psychological research to maximize morale among his Marines and remedy conditions ranging from "duty blues" to "chronic butthurt."
Coolridge described how he puts the system, which stands for "Total Happiness Remedy, Or, Advancement Therapy for Performance Upturns in Natural Combat Health," into action with his Marines.
"Basically, I punch them in the fucking throat," said Coolridge. "Mouthing off? THROATPUNCH! Dirty barracks? THROATPUNCH! Works every time."
Low levels of morale have plagued many units recently, and younger Marines say it is because leadership just doesn’t understand their generation. Top Marine officers think this system will help them better connect with millennials…
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