CREECH AIR FORCE BASE —Local Unmanned Aerial Vehicle Banshee 31, who completed his first deployment just two months ago, is still droning on about it like he’s some sort of goddamn hero, sources confirmed today.
“I swear, if this guy tells one more story about the Camp Arifjan Green Beans I’m going to ground him,” said his pilot, 1st. Lt. Tyler Gilchrist, adding that UAV will regularly roll into conversations he was not even remotely invited to. “Kuwait is not even a real deployment.”
Other members of the unit admit they try to take off every time Banshee 31 approaches, fearing he will start yammering on about how rough it was getting just three refuels a day at the DFAC.
“He thinks he’s impressing us or something now that he has a deployment under his wings,” said an MQ-1 Predator, trying to avoid eye contact with him in line at the PX.
“He only got, like, one confirmed kill, and it was a guy parked on a motorcycle. Come talk to me when you smoke a whole a jingle truck full of goofballs going 40 miles an hour during a brownout.”
The MQ-1 added that Banshee 31 has been “grinding a lot of gears” among the veteran UAVs, and that someone is bound to put him in his place if he doesn’t quit flapping his guns all over base.
“Normally I’m a team player,” he said, “but I’m really hoping this guy crashes and burns.”
Maxx Butthurt contributed to this article.