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North Korean athletes unite around Olympic flame to stay warm


PYEONGCHANG, South Korea — The delegation of North Korean athletes taking part in the 2018 Winter Olympics have been spotted huddling near the Olympic flame to keep warm, sources confirmed today.

According to the North Korean government, however, it was actually a “show of national pride and unity” to have North Korea’s 22 olympians stand near the torch in threadbare jackets and gloves without fingers.

“It’s an honor to be here in South Korea,” said North Korean skier Choe Myong-gwanG. “It is great to be here around this flame fueled by a mysterious burning gas. This could keep a from freezing to death for hours,” she added, before being hustled away from reporters to conduct a practice run at Camp 22.

According to sources, many of the North Korean athletes were confused by some of the new technologies in the Olympic Village they had never seen before, such as wireless internet, space heaters, and food.

Several other athletes spent time in Pyeongchang and spoke of the richness on display for visiting royalty, which is more commonly referred to as a grocery store.

Besides its athletes, North Korea was also planning to send a cheerleading team known as the “Army Of Beauties” to the Olympics. At press time, every US service-member in Korea who plays World of Warcraft was scrambling to buy a ticket.

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