NAVAL STATION NORFOLK, Va. — After flying from a McDonalds parking lot over the fence of Naval Base Norfolk’s secure facility, a seagull is genuinely concerned that someone might notice that he totally forgot his ID card at home, sources confirmed today.
“I watched him just coast right over the fence without even checking with the gate. It’s like he doesn’t even care about security,” one witness told reporters.
Numerous eyewitnesses saw the seagull anxiously pace back and forth outside the Port Operations Department and caw to himself in a very insecure manner.
“I mean it happens to the best of us,” said one witness, who apparently saw the seagull nervously waddling around with a Dorito in its mouth. “Sometimes you just hop the fence when you’re blackout drunk and totally forget that you left your CAC card at the bar. Happens all the time!”
Several sources confirmed that the seagull was sheepishly roaming around the ID office, although it quickly scuffled away whenever someone exited. In addition, others have reported that when anyone would approach the seagull, it would suspiciously fly onto the roof of a nearby building and nervously poop where it stood.
“I don’t understand why it’s concerned,” said one military policeman. “But if that little beach chicken decides to drive 23 in my 20, I’m going to write a citation so quick he’ll puke French fries.”
At press time, sources confirmed that the seagull had eventually moved to the galley dumpster where it is currently fighting over a fried tilapia with another seagull.