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Army calls for 200,000-man detail to fill sandbags on US-Mexico border

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EL PASO, Texas — The U.S. Army’s top enlisted man has been seen walking around a number of U.S. Army installations in an attempt to round up at least 200,000 soldiers for a detail on the U.S.-Mexico border, sources confirmed today.

According to a number of sources at Fort Bliss, Sgt. Maj. of the Army Daniel Dailey was seen screaming in the parking lots of various barracks for “a couple hundred thousand bodies.”

“Hey get me some soldiers out here right now!” screamed Dailey outside barracks belonging to the 1st Brigade Combat Team of 1st Armored Division on Tuesday, according to witnesses. “I need a detail on the border. This one’s important, people.”

Dailey has been attempting to rally hundreds of thousands of soldiers for a detail filling sandbags and Hesco barriers on the southwestern border of the United States, after President Donald Trump privately indicated he wanted the military to pay for the much-talked about wall that Congress wouldn’t pay for that Mexico was supposed to pay for.

Defense officials say Dailey took it upon himself to find a solution for the proposed border wall after Defense Secretary Jim Mattis balked at the president’s funding suggestion, telling him the Pentagon was already stretched thin on late charges, penalties, and overdraft fees for its F-35 program. “We just can’t afford a single penny,” Mattis said of the DoD budget, which dwarfs the budgets of the next eight countries combined.

Mattis also declined a White House request to send at least 100 Caterpillar D-9 Bulldozers to help with wall construction, since they had already been prepared for shipment to Washington to take part in a military parade set for November, alongside thousands of marching soldiers and Marines as Air Force pilots choke from lack of oxygen as they fly overhead.

Meanwhile, one source stationed at Fort Huachuca in Arizona told Duffel Blog he had seen at least three specialists walking around the barracks and common areas looking for junior soldiers, who were claiming that “sergeant major was looking for them,” the source relayed. “Something about a detail or something, I don’t know, he’s pissed bro.”

According to sources, when news of Dailey’s appearance at 1st BCT reached other brigades, G-1 administrative offices were in a matter of hours flooded with tens of thousands of leave requests sent in by soldiers across the Army.

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