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DUFFEL BLOG PRESENTS: President Donald Trump gives your weekend safety brief

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Remarks by President Trump in Meeting with Marines in North Carolina

Camp Lejeune

4:39 P.M. EST

Hey there it’s me, Trump, your President, the best president. It’s a great honor to be here in Camp Lejuene, talking to the world’s tremendously best soldiers, to give you your inspiring safety brief.

You know my philosophy, work hard — a lot of people don’t know that — I work very hard, the hardest. Nobody works harder than me. And I play hard. But play it safe like I do, and play it like, really smart.

North Carolina is a great state, one of the best really. I own property here. Make sure not to drive drunk. If you do you’ll get a DUI. Make no mistake, you know what you signed up for and you’ll suffer the consequences.

As you all know, reports of what I did with hookers in Russia is total FAKE NEWS — A POLITICAL WITCH HUNT — but hit me up if you’re into that kind of thing. Speaking of which, there are 26,000 unreported sexual assaults in the military but only 238 convictions. What did these geniuses expect when they put men and women together? Clearly none of them were a very stable genius.

And those of you out there on limited duty because of injuries, make sure to take it easy. Rest is important to recovery, incredibly important actually, truly a great thing. I had injuries myself that prevented me from serving in the military, bone spurs on my heel, an incredibly painful condition, on my left or right foot, I can’t remember which. You can look it up.

And we all know there are losers out there who are going to spend their weekends inside the barracks eating pizza and playing video games, not out there playing golf in Florida. Sad!

So get out there and grab this weekend by the

END

4:43 P.M. EST

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