Have you been shopping around for a brand new power vacuum but just can’t make up your mind? Well you’re in luck!
The 2000s have been the century of the power vacuum, and we ranked the top 10 to help you decide which one is best for your family.
Whether you’re looking for something tough to clean up at the work place, a household vac that can get that nasty pet dander out of the rug, or a violent coup d’état that can engulf a nation in chaos for years on end, there’s definitely something on this list for you.
1. Dyson Ball
Topping the list is the Dyson Ball. Introduced in 2005, it transformed the way we think about turning radius in our vacuums. Perfect for getting those hard-to-reach areas like behind the sofa and Somalia. While pricey, it has cemented its place as one of the best all-around vacuums on the market.
There’s a reason they call it “the Predator drone of the household cleaning industry.” The Roomba will clean your floors quicker than a Hellfire can turn a terrorist into pink mist, hassle-free. Don’t have time to vacuum on your own? Just turn on this fully-automatic technological wonder and watch the dirt and grime disappear!
Coming in at number three is Afghanistan. While little known in the Western world prior to 2001, this power vacuum has proven to be the longest lasting on the list. If you’re looking for something to quietly suck up hundreds of billions of dollars over the course of decades, this is the vac for you!
4. Oreck Elevate Conquer
Classic styling and simple functionality will bring back nostalgia of some of the great power vacuums of the Cold War.
If you’re looking for a power vacuum that really sucks, then this might be the one. Lives, money, international morale — nothing is too tough for the vortex that has consumed Iraq over the years. While the U.S. initially cancelled production in 2010, this model came back on the market with a bang in 2014 and sales are still strong.
6. Hoover HushTone Canister Vacuum
This commercial power vacuum is fit for the toughest jobs at home or at the worksite. With an industrial-size 9-liter canister, dirt, debris, and a coherent strategy don’t stand a chance!
7. That week the entire company staff was on leave at the same time.
Wow! Talk about a power vacuum! They should have known better than to trust the new lieutenant from third platoon to run the company all week.
8. Kenmore Elite
Perhaps the best pet-friendly power vacuum on the list, the Kenmore Elite is certified by the Asthma and Allergy Foundation of America to eliminate pollen, pet dander, and budding insurgencies. A must buy if you have a dog or violent extremist in your life!
While not quite as popular as the Roomba or Dyson Ball, the nine-spot on the list has proven that the violent and sudden overthrow of an authoritarian government can create a power vacuum that can compete with the best. The general lack of international interest in the ongoing civil war guarantees that this one will be on the list for years to come.
10. Shark APEX Duoclean
No job is too dirty for this vac. With Shark’s Duoclean technology, you’ll get a deep clean on carpets, hardwood floors, the Middle East, and anywhere else a mess pops up.