John Bolton wakes from terrifying nightmare of world at peace
BETHESDA, Md. — After lurching awake in a sweating, panicky daze, new White House National Security Advisor John Bolton was reportedly relieved that the image of a harmonious world at peace was only a terrifying nightmare, sources confirmed today.
“GAA! Oh my God, I just saw people living without the anxiety of total war and Kim Jong Un being a decent human being. It was fucking petrifying,” said Bolton, frantically checking his phone to make sure every news source was still concerned with his neoconservative foreign-policy ideas and pushes for military interventions in Iraq, Syria, Iran, North Korea, Mexico, Venezuela, Aruba, and other countries.
“I was so worried that I’d be out of a job and have to just play endless games of Command & Conquer on my laptop," Bolton later told reporters. "But once I wiped the sweat from my mustache and realized it was just a fictitious yet disturbing vision of peaceful foreign relations, I was able to catch my breath and began having sweet dreams of bo…
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