TAL BAYDAR, Syria — A lieutenant in the middle of calling in an air strike on ISIS fighters has told the pilots he needs just another minute or two to figure out where he is, sources confirmed today.
“Who’s got the GPS? This map… I can’t even read this thing,” 2nd Lt. Anthony Mills was overheard saying, since he continued to key the radio’s handset after pausing during one of nine lines of information the pilots need to conduct a bombing run.
Defense officials say the 22-year-old Army officer on his first deployment made the call for close air support just minutes after his patrol was fired upon by what appeared to be a single ISIS fighter armed with an AK-47, which he reported to the combat operations center as an entire battalion of terrorists armed with tanks.
Although Mills said he was “pretty sure” he had just passed Checkpoint Budweiser and had changed course to the south on his way to Checkpoint Bud Light, he admitted that he may have instead passed Checkpoint Heineken and was instead closing in on Checkpoint Sierra Nevada, according to sources.
“Be advised, it is my call. Drop everything you have on my position,” the lieutenant told the Air Force pilots overhead, as his soldiers looked over at him with nervous looks. “It’s a lovely fucking war,” Mills added.
Meanwhile, the pilots heading toward the soldiers’ general direction had switched over to their private communications channel and were asking each other, “Is this guy serious?”
At press time, the lieutenant was standing up as bullets whizzed by his head, telling his men to hand him the large fluorescent air panel so he could go ahead and “try something.”