ABERDEEN PROVING GROUND, Md. — Army Pvt. Naomi Gage is the worst soldier in the history of the service, says a sergeant who recently asked her out on a date.
Gage — a soldier who recently joined her unit after Advanced Individual Training at Fort Lee, N.J. — was doing a great job in her new position until she turned down an invitation from her command sponsor to “Netflix and chill,” according to officials.
“It was really sudden how her performance went downhill,” said Sgt. Alan Herzog, who is also her rater. “She had a really good attitude when she first got here, but then she changed. Now she’s like King Midas, except everything she touches turns to shit.”
Sources close to the matter confirmed that Gage’s bad performance happened “almost overnight” for unknown reasons. The sources also noted that she frequently blames her chain of command for missing deadlines she claims were never given, incorrectly completes paperwork, and frequently claims she is not being trained to perform even basic tasks.
Additionally, Gage failed her most recent physical fitness test due to improperly performing the exercises, resulting in dozens of push-ups and sit-ups not being counted.
On Monday, Gage received a negative counseling after she missed formation the day prior. Sources say that during the counseling session, she claimed that no one told her there was a formation on Sunday at 4 a.m., and she had no way of knowing since she had just returned from leave.
Still, Sgt. Herzog told reporters he needs her to shape up and doesn’t have time for excuses. He’s planning to recommend 30 days additional duty and restriction to post, since Gage is a habitual offender.