OKINAWA, Japan — In the wake of the much heralded success of the new pizza MRE, the Department of Defense has decided to produce a fresh-from-the-sea sushi meal with a shelf-life of three years.
The sushi meal will include a California roll packed with Almost Real Crab, rice crackers, sour plums, and tofu cookies. The condiment pouch will include soy sauce, imitation wasabi and green tea powder.
“We thought this move would really highlight the talents of our Asian and Pacific Islander service members,” said Pentagon spokesman John Sellers, while wearing a ninja costume and Hawaiian shirt. “The troops are gonna love it!”
Distribution will begin at bases in the Asia-Pacific theater for service members who want to enjoy the local cuisine while out in the field. But reactions to the announcement were mixed.
“Dude, I am stationed in Korea. They HATE Japanese stuff here, and the cartons have pics of Mt. Fuji and the Japanese flag on them. The MREs will never even make it through customs,” said Army Sgt. Ron West.
“Wow, I can’t wait to spend the night in the sweltering jungles of Okinawa and eat fish that has been sitting in a hot shipping container for a month,” said Marine Gunnery Sgt. Christine Worthington. “Maybe I can wash it down with a lukewarm cup of reconstituted milk tea.”
At press time, production was held up by a lingering odor problem with the packaging but that is expected to be resolved with the arrival of a pallet of miniature Febreeze cans.
Duffel Blog writer W.T. Door contributed to this article.