Soldier stationed in South Korea relieved Trump is canceling exercise

SEOUL — Pfc. Jacob Robertson, a soldier stationed in South Korea, says he is relieved that President Donald Trump has canceled exercise for the U.S. military on the Korean Peninsula, sources confirmed today.

“This makes shamming so much easier,” Robertson told Duffel Blog in an email. “I don’t have to fake an injury or schedule appointments at the ass crack of dawn anymore. #MAGA.”

The announcement to cease all exercise came just hours after Trump met with the leader of North Korea, Kim Jong-un.

“It’s a big, fat waste of money,” Trump told reporters after the historic summit. “And it offends my friend Little Rocket Man, too. Just look at him, when’s the last time you think he exercised?”

According to fellow soldiers, Pfc. Robertson has never been in great physical shape and would likely benefit from the president’s decision, though many expressed confusion over why the president would refer to soldiers doing pushups and running as “provocative.”

Meanwhile, Defense Secretary Jim Mattis praised Trump’s decision, since, he said, the vast majority of Army personnel are already used to far less exercise than their Marine counterparts.