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Sergeant Major gets DUI while celebrating month without DUI

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CAMP LEJEUNE, N.C. — A Marine sergeant major has been charged with driving under the influence soon after his unit celebrated a month without any alcohol-related incidents, sources confirmed today.

Sgt. Maj. Flavio Perez was arrested Wednesday for allegedly driving with a .12% blood-alcohol content and punching a police horse in the face after getting drinks with his Staff NCO friends off-base.

“I knew this guy was military right away by his moto haircut, but he looked a bit older than our usual pick-ups,” said Jacksonville PD officer Jamison Rondeau as several of his coworkers snickered and cackled behind him. “I had a feeling he was a staff NCO. You should’ve seen the look on his face when I told him to call his first sergeant.”

Instead of calling a first sergeant, Perez had to call the base commander, Brig. Gen. Julian Alford, to come pick him up.

“Sir, sorry to wake you up, but I’ve got some bad news,” Perez said during his call, according to sources. “I kinda-sorta need someone to come get me from jail downtown. Could you help me out?”

Alford, however, told him, “you got yourself into this mess. Your ass can wait in that jail until Sunday evening,”

Perez faces punishment of up to 30 days of hard labor, during which time he will spend his shifts digging deep holes in the sandpit and filling them back up. Judge advocate sources say he will probably receive a non-punitive letter of caution instead.

At press time, a first sergeant from Camp Lejeune has been reprimanded for hosting an E-3-and-below orgy at his house. His punishment has yet to be determined.

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