Cyber Command's first offensive operation: bombing China with dick pics
FORT MEADE, Md. — U.S. Cyber Command released details today of its plan to discharge millions of dick pics on Chinese networks in America's first authorized offensive cyberattack.
The plan is a severe departure from earlier senior leader discussions. The original version involved Cyber Command forcing itself onto Chinese servers, shutting down the economy, and setting up forward operating networks for indefinite local interference. However, younger staff pushed back, noting that an exit strategy was undefined.
Gen. Paul M. Nakasone, commander of U.S. Cyber Command, crowdsourced ideas from his staff. The winner came from one of his few female non-commissioned officers, Cpl. Lana Rodriguez.
“Corporal Rodriguez’s idea of weaponizing phallic imagery at non-routine intervals along random network nodes blew us away. Lucky for us, I guess there really is nothing more offensive than a United States Marine,” Nakasone said.
Operation Tyler Durden involves inserting quick dick snippets at random poi…
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