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Pokemon’s Lieutenant Surge hopelessly lost in Viridian Forest

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KANTO, JAPAN – Lt. Surge, the electric type gym leader of Pokemon’s Vermillion City, is missing, sources confirmed today.

The eight foot tall, frosted-tip behemoth – and Japan’s only frame of reference for Americans – disappeared during a battalion field exercise in the Viridian Forest last week.

“This happened during maneuvers on Mount Moon,” said Pfc. Ash Ketchum, one of Surge’s men. “He’ll show up in a few days claiming to have run into Team Rocket and stopped their evil plans. Then he’ll put himself in for a Bronze Staryu with EH.”

Known as “The Lightning American,” a callsign he gave himself after graduating at the top of his class from Pewter City Military Academy, Surge can usually be found hanging out at the base gym. Sources say he typically surrounds himself with a bunch of on-duty E-3s who he forces to say nice things about him to passing trainers under threat of Article 15.

“He keeps mentioning how his electric Pokemon saved him in the ‘war,’” said Surge’s CO, Officer Jenny, “Except everyone knows that Pallet Town isn’t a real deployment.”

Surge’s platoon speculates that the wayward officer is probably eating some poor Bug Catcher’s caterpie like he says they taught him at SERE.

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