Marine Corps to reduce infantryman's load by recruiting fewer wussies
In an attempt to reduce the weight carried by already overburdened infantryman, the Marine Corps announced today that it would seek to reduce troops' combat loads by recruiting fewer wussies.
"Studies by the Marine Corps Warfighting Lab and Center for Naval Analyses have shown that we can greatly decrease injury rates by reducing the number of wimps, wusses, and Nancy-pantses in our infantry units," said Commandant of the Marine Corps Gen. Robert Neller.
"Further, we believe a battalion's lethality will increase ten to fifteen percent simply by removing all broke dick losers from its ranks."
Previous studies from the World War II and Vietnam War eras showed that the maximum amount of weight under which the average infantryman could effectively operate in combat was 45 to 50 pounds. However, Neller believes this load could be increased to 80 or even 90 pounds for any Marine that is not a "candy-ass bitch."
"After months of lab experiments and field testing, we've concluded that a Marine co…
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