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Marine officer says Marine units should use LSD to gain edge over enemy

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PENTAGON — A Marine officer recently stirred up controversy by suggesting that Marines employ the use of LSD in current warfighting engagements and Pentagon officials are considering turning to the novel approach, sources confirmed today.

LSD, or dock landing ship, is a transport ship capable of carrying a complement of 400 Marines and several amphibious landing craft with the potential side effect of seasickness.

Maj. Emere Albayarak, an officer with Marine Corps Intelligence, Surveillance and Reconnaissance Enterprise, submitted a study highlighting the combat benefits of LSD, stating that the vessel can provide troops with the “psychological and mental edge” needed to achieve absolute victory in addition to the ability to project air and ground power from the sea.

Critics claim that Albayarak has likely spent too much time experimenting at sea.

“Afghanistan is a landlocked country committed to the opium trade,” said a Department of Defense spokesperson. “There is absolutely no reason to introduce 16,000 tons of LSD to that region of the world.”

Albayarak remains unswayed.

“Though the idea is radical,” he wrote, “it must be understood that this is neither a sideways attempt to allow Marines to float aimlessly nor a half-baked attempt to recreate previously failed wars in Afghanistan.”

Photo courtesy of the eagle-eyed investigative journalist, Lieutenant Dan.

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