WASHINGTON, D.C. — National Security Advisor John Bolton on Wednesday cited his avoidance of going to war in Vietnam in response to criticism that he is a warmonger intent on starting military campaigns in Venezuela, Iran, and over 100 other countries, sources confirmed today.

“If I like war as much as you all say I do, wouldn’t I have jumped at the chance to take part in one, instead of joining the reserves to avoid being deployed?” Bolton challenged reporters during a press conference on Tuesday.

Bolton went on to reference his distinguished record of not going to war, sources said. He presented reporters with a copy of his Yale 25th Reunion Book, in which he wrote that he avoided service in Vietnam because he “had no desire to die in a Southeast Asian rice paddy.”