Helicopter parents won’t insert son at hot LZ


U.S. Marines with 2nd Battalion, 8th Marine Regiment, 2nd Marine Division, lead Marines in securing a landing zone during Weapons and Tactics Instructors (WTI) course 2-19, at Barry M. Goldwater Range, Wellton, Ariz., April 17, 2019. 2nd Battalion, 8th Marine Regiment provided support to WTI as part of a seven week training event hosted by Marine Aviation Weapons and Tactics Squadron One, which emphasizes operational integration of the six functions of Marine Corps aviation in support of a Marine Air-Ground Task Force. (U.S. Marine Corps photo by Cpl. Jennessa Davey)

CAMP DWYER, Afghanistan — A Marine infantryman scrambled to link up with his squad after his parents refused to insert him at a hot landing, sources confirmed today.

Pfc. Martin Sikorsky pushed out on a QRF mission for the ANA his unit is training when his parents became concerned about the state of the LZ.

“Martin knows the rules of our hangar. No screen time after 4 p.m., no driving over 45 knots and no firefights. I think any parent would agree I’m being reasonable,” Sirkorsky’s father, Huey, told reporters.

Huey’s wife Lakota looked up from the baby monitor she has in her cockpit with a live feed from a GoPro on Sikorsky’s chest rig.

“If Martin is having problems with the Taliban, all he has to do is give me a CAS 9-line, and I will speak to their mothers to get this sorted out,” Lakota said.

Sikorsky’s parents were going to allow him on the mission until they received word of an enemy RPK team in the northwest corner of the hasty LZ. Normally, they are fine with their son being exposed to medium machine gun fire. Although he is not vaccinated against 7.62, Huey and Lakota rely on a mix of essential oils to keep Sikorsky safe. However, since arriving in Afghanistan, they have been unable to find a Whole Foods that sells coconut and eucalyptus oil.

Sikorsky said he was heartbroken he could not insert with his guys and get in on the TIC. Like most 18-year-olds, he worries about the effects of his protective parents.

“How am I supposed to have a social life without my own CAR?” he said.


29ReasonsWhy

29ReasonsWhy is a grunt. His mom is very proud of him.
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