Coast Guard seizes 4,000 pounds of uncut Cheetos Dust
ALAMEDA, Calif.—The U.S. Coast Guard Cutter Waesche returned home to Alameda on Sunday morning after seizing more than 4,000 pounds of Cheetos dust, with an estimated street value of $89 million, in the waters off Central America.
The deliciously addictive finger powder brought ashore was seized by the crew in the Eastern Pacific from late May through this month. The Coast Guard said in a statement that it has been shifting its focus to more junk-food-based operations as part of the War on Obesity.
Waesche executive officer Cdr. Doug Atkins said the 3,000 pounds of seized scrumptiousness “is just a drop in the bucket.” Atkins added, “But it’s a start.”
“I’m just glad this stuff is off the streets and in the safe hands the Coast Guard,” said San Diego local Susan Olsen. “I’m a recovering Cheetos dust addict, and if I’m within 20 yards of that shit I become a fucking animal!” Olsen added that she had to move after her last bender because "Everything was orange, and I couldn't scrub it out.”
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