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Red Power Ranger admits he never went to Ranger School

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ANGEL GROVE, Calif. — For years, Jason Lee Scott, better known as the Red Power Ranger, has lived a life of lies and stolen valor on a hitherto unprecedented level. But his secret has finally come out: He never attended Ranger School.

Two young men, who go by the names of Bulk and Skull, tipped off E! reporters, who began investigating the Red Ranger after he began insisting that the Pink Ranger couldn’t have gone to Ranger school and didn’t deserve the title of Ranger.

The Blue Ranger, Billy, has admitted,“We all knew. It’s a relief to finally be able to talk about it.”

There were multiple red flags. Jason did not consume nearly enough Monster Energy drinks, he couldn’t handle his liquor, and his PT test score was a measly 305 on the extended scale.

A good Samaritan, Rita Repulsa, gave the reporters documents that raised additional questions. Chief among these was proof that Jason lied about his age when he first joined The Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers as an underage high schooler.

In retrospect, Jason’s insistence that the general public address him as “Ranger”, his constant recollections of how much sleep deprivation he could withstand, and his daydreaming eyes that would manifest fondly when he spoke of the art of the hooch all were clear indicators.

Lord Zedd declined comment though an evil spokesman.

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